I spent a weekend with Elizabeth Gilbert: Here's what I learned

| February/March NEWSLETTER | Writing Prompts, Inspiration and why you shouldn't feel guilty about things beyond your control

Mar 22, 2025

Dear reader,

Last Sunday I organised to meet a stranger at 8:30 am in a parking lot to buy a lampshade I’d found on Facebook Marketplace. I was early and keen to get back home. At 8:28 the vendor texted that she’d be 25 minutes late. The road had been cut by a fallen tree and there had been no reception to send a message.

No worries, I thought, shit happens, even on Sundays.

When she finally arrived, she apologised profusely.

‘I feel guilty for making you wait, even though it’s not my fault,’ she said.

Have you ever felt that way? I sure have.

Guilt in itself isn’t a bad emotion. It can motivate us to take action, to make amends and it keeps us accountable. But don’t feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault, for things that are beyond your control.

Most importantly, don’t feel guilty for taking time out for yourself, for not being productive, for taking care of yourself.

How about taking care of your inner writer this year with a writing holiday? Join us in the mountains of Bali, June 23-29. A beautiful private bungalow just became available. Or write (and eat) your heart out in Tuscany, October 10-17 (several options available). More details here. Don’t feel guilty for going on a holiday with yourself!

Time out in Vietnam hosting Heavenly Hoi An with the beautiful Edwina Shaw.

My motto for the year is ‘I choose’. So today, I choose not to feel guilty about sending the February newsletter in March. I’ve been sick, I had my passport details stolen by scammers trying to set up accounts in my name, I ran a retreat in Hoi An with my beautiful co-host Edwina Shaw (read about it here), I renovated my apartment, I hosted a friend, and I spent a weekend with Elizabeth Gilbert…clearly, it’s been a busy month.

So, instead of feeling guilty for sending this out late, I am proud to bring you some excellent content today.

Spending a weekend in the presence of Elizabeth Gilbert was magical.

I never thought I’d say this, given that I refused to get carried away by the Eat, Pray, Love craze nearly two decades ago when Liz’s wildly successful memoir first came out. Back then I was a career academic and scholar of Italian literature and culture, and therefore intrinsically averse to self-indulgent waffle about the healing power of gelato and the la dolce vita lifestyle.

I hope Liz won’t hold this against me if she ever opens the copy of my memoir I gifted her via one of her assistants.

To my own surprise, I’ve since fallen out of love with Italy (if you’ve read my book, you’ll understand why), and I’ve radically revised my view of Elizabeth Gilbert. Not only is she a gifted writer, she’s also a fabulous public speaker and teacher.

Elizabeth Gilbert, Creative Living Workshop, Sydney Townhall, February 2025

I’d signed up to the two-day workshop on a whim with no idea what to expect. The Sydney Town Hall was packed with hundreds of like-minded women— and a sprinkling of men—and yet it felt like Liz addressed each of us personally.

While the women behind me wondered whether she’d teach us how to write memoir, I was pleasantly surprised that this wasn’t a creative writing workshop, but a personal development workshop, or as Liz put it, a meeting with our inner truth and reconciliation committee.

Here are my key takeaways from Elizabeth Gilbert’s Creative Living Workshop:

Liz began the workshop by dismantling the idea that we each have a unique PURPOSE that we need to follow in order to live a full life. The idea that we each need to leave an individual legacy is borne out of a white western male ideology that puts too much pressure on us, she said, because it implies that if we do anything other than follow our purpose, we’ve failed

The opposite is to lean into PRESENCE. While the idea of purpose is future-fixated, presence is an invitation to just hang out and watch the show for a bit. It’s an invitation to relax and observe the world go round with mindful awareness. I did a bit of that in Vietnam recently—once I stopped sneezing and vomiting—and I can confirm that it is indeed very good for the soul.

Hanging out in Hoi An, watching life go by

The other thing that is good for the soul, Liz reminded us, is to cultivate SELF-FRIENDLINESS in a culture that teaches self-hatred.

We began the deep work of holding an inner truth and reconciliation meeting by writing a letter addressing our FEAR(s).

Reading over my list, I had to laugh out loud. Why am I still afraid of my mother at 61 years of age, when she lives on the other side of the world? And do I really need to be afraid of the wrinkles deepening on my face? Does anybody care?

At each crossroad in life, Liz said, make decisions based on curiosity, not fear.

Then she introduced the concept of ENCHANTMENT. Excitement and boredom, Liz explained, are the flipside of the same coin, ANXIETY. Boredom is a cover for anxiety, whilst excitement—the thrill of the new, chasing a full life—can leave us with a hangover, unhealthy FOMO and an addictive quest for more.

A healthier way of living is to focus on enchantment, that ‘warm vanilla pudding hum of wellbeing’, as Liz called it, that produces oxytocin and breeds creativity.

Next she made us write a letter to ourselves from the point of view of enchantment, listing everything that brings us joy.

My list was simple: riding my bicycle, spending time alone in nature, sleeping eight hours a night in my brand-new bed, watching the sunrise over the ocean, feeling my body oxygenated from exercise, being in the writing flow, communicating in smiles with the Vietnamese whose language I’ll never speak...

Finding enchantment in Sydney - give me trees, water and a bicycle and I'll be happy!

What if everything on your enchantment list is actually your life’s purpose?

What if the list could be read as a template for a life lived to its highest purpose? Liz asked at the end of the exercise.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot during the weeks since the workshop. My busy neurodiverse monkey mind needs routine to function. As I’ve aged, I’ve become stricter about my morning routine (because suddenly time is a finite quantity) and I’ve inadvertently made the things on my bucket list my life’s purpose.

It helps that I am now of retirement age and that I can (theoretically) spend more time doing the things that nourish me. Now I just have to get a handle on my inbox and find a way to sort the messy digital archives on my computer…

What’s top on your enchantment list?

Let’s find out. Here are your (bi)monthly writing prompts inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert.

[These writing prompts are the property of Elizabeth Gilbert.]

Letter from your FEAR(S)

Dear … (your name),
I am fear and this is what I want to tell you…

ENCHANTMENT LETTER

Dear … (your name),

I am your enchantment and this is what I have to tell you…

(Ask yourself: What is your favorite thing about being alive?)

Thanks for reading! This post is FREE so please share it with anybody who might like to read this.

My favorite exercises from Liz’s workshop were writing a friendship letter to myself and writing myself a Permission Slip from the Office of the Principal, listing all the things I am allowed to do (sleep in occasionally, skip the gym occasionally, stop pleasing others, uphold my boundaries, don’t care what others think or say about me…).

PERMISSION SLIP

From the Office of the Principal.

To whom it may concern.

… (your name) has permission to …

Try it, it’s incredibly liberating. Please share in the comments what comes up, and help me get the conversation going.

Stop feeling guilty about your own needs

Some of the things Liz said surprised me. My inner critic cringed every time she invited us to develop a healthy dose of selfishness, prioritising our own needs, erecting clear boundaries and not giving a f**k about the unsolicited emails in our inboxes.

This was a big one for me. How not to feel guilty about not replying to everybody, about not getting everything done.

My ADHD makes me feel overwhelmed by even a handful of emails. Every time I receive a request from one of my dear readers asking for help with a writing project, I feel called to give that person my full attention, sharing everything I know about writing, for free. It’s exhausting and unsustainable.

The flipside is ADHD paralysis—going silent, not responding at all, whilst feeling perpetually guilty about the unanswered emails in my inbox.

It’s been on my to-do list to find a solution to this dilemma. So, thanks Liz. Here’s what I’ve written in my journal at the end of the workshop:

Focus on what really serves you. Serving others, over-giving, can be a form of narcissism. So be clear on who you are, don’t serve others to receive the unconditional love you didn’t receive at home, have clear boundaries and know that, as Liz said, nobody needs to love you unconditionally for you to love yourself.

If you’re interested to know more about ADHD, the wonderful Keesha Petit, a young woman I admire a lot, has recently launched the podcast Cloud, Lifting the cloud on ADHD. In-depth analysis with eminent experts about late-age diagnosis ADHD.

Random images from my new hood and home (which remains a work in progress)

Reading foundational texts like The Bhagavad Gita, or the poems of Mary Oliver (or whoever your spiritual and intellectual mentors might be), Liz said, is important and nourishing, but it’s still only someone else’s download.

We concluded the two-day workshop by going over our notes with a highlighter, scanning the pages quickly, marking anything that stood out, listing ten sentences that felt most alive. We then created our personal downloads, or personal poems, by selecting five sentences from the list of ten, choosing a sixth as the title.

Here’s my personal download from the weekend:

Instructions for a life of highest service to the world and to myself:

1. I will not get stressed about my inbox (in fact, I’ll try to avoid stress altogether) and I will not feel guilty about things that are beyond my control.

2. I will not put my needs below those of others (I am done with co-dependency)

3. I will stay with the warm vanilla pudding hum of wellbeing aka enchantment

4. I will create my own honor code and make anybody who wants to enter my mind wipe their shoes

5. I’ll remember that the world is fifteen puppies and a cobra but I won’t be afraid of the cobra. I’ll be alert, not alarmed.

[The analogy of the fifteen puppies and a cobra comes from Liz’s friend Martha Beck.]

WRITING PROMPT: Create your personal download

Journal to each of Liz’s writing prompts above for 5-10 minutes. Then create your personal download using Liz’s technique: quickly scan the pages of your journal for sentences that feel most alive, that jump out and that speak to you.

Make a list of ten, narrow it down to five, write them up into a poem, then choose a sixth line as a title. SHARE in the comments what came up for you!